Dealing with Fear and Anxiety During COVID-19
Fear and anxiety are rampant right now, and with good reason. Something I’ve noticed is that due to COVID-19, every one of my clients has been affected in differently. My good friend David Gandelman, a spiritual teacher and host of the Energy Matters Podcast/Grounded Sleep Podcast, asked me to speak on how to deal with Fear and Anxiety during this time.
We maxed out on 100 participants in the first minute, but here’s the video replay: https://www.davidgandelman.com/Healing-Fear-Anixety
Read More
Before You Try Therapy, do This
We are quick to look to others for solutions before finding them within ourselves. Sometimes we genuinely need to rely on another for guidance, but usually we just don’t know where to start. Maybe I can help with that.
Depression, anxiety, or something even more complex can feel like sinking into quicksand. If you’re unsure of a first step, I always ask clients about these 3 basic areas:
Diet - Are you eating a well-balanced diet with greens, 3 times a day?
Read More
Reverse Engineer Your Life
When working with schemas, which are the unhealthy + unconscious lenses we wear on the world, we reverse engineer reality.
What does that mean?
I work with my clients on first assessing what their worldview is—which, once again is unconscious—then seeing how the belief was developed. You know the problem though? We actually have a hard time understanding what our worldview is. But once identified and analyzed, we see what’s not working, what we’ve previously tried and are currently trying to fix things, and then bring in reality.
Read More
You're Asking Yourself the Wrong Question
Did you know your brain is addicted to asking itself one question? The wrong question?
Like a dog barking at a firetruck, your brain can’t help itself. It’s been conditioned. You see—your brain is addicted to feeling comfortable. It’s designed that way. It’s designed to want to exert minimal strain (effort) to achieve maximum dopamine rushes (rewards).
So what does your brain ask itself? What comfortable question do you need to deprogram?
Read More
3 Emotional Barriers That Prevent Success
First, if you’re unfamiliar how to set a proper goal, use SMART goals.
With that, after working with clients’ goals over the years, I’ve found 3 Emotional Barriers—the Streaky Start, the Middle Monotony, and the Lasting Lifestyle—that prevent them from success. These are all unconscious. When you become aware of these 3 Emotional Barriers and prepare accordingly, you’ll have a much better shot of success.
I’m going to make this short and sweet.
Read More
Reframe Your 2020
You know when you go out to eat with friends and the bill arrives? There is a saying that ‘whomever wants to pay will pay.’ I find that true. Even at the behest of people reaching out to grab the bill, whoever really wants to take care of it will do it. They will take the action and others will comply.
It’s the same principle when you’re crossing a busy crosswalk. You’d think more people would walk headfirst into one another, but does it ever happen? I’ve yet to see a human body pile up after a walk signal. Why? Everyone intuitively responds to each person’s unconscious frame.
Most of us don’t realize our frame. We just comply with what has been programmed into us.
Read More
How You Can Build More Empathy
First, I get if my blog title confused you. Many people think you either have empathy or you don’t. Or that if you have empathy that level of empathy remains static over the course of a life. The reality is that empathy can be developed or atrophied.
There’s another misconception about empathy. Most people, especially in Western culture, believe empathy is only emotive. That’s called “Affective Empathy.” There’s a second form of empathy called, “Cognitive Empathy,” which I’ll go over in a moment. To become more well-rounded with your empathetic skills, it’ll be important to possess both Affective and Cognitive Empathy.
Read More
Why Consciousness Matters: Part II
In my last blog on Why Consciousness Matters (and how to increase yours), I detailed how the small, consistent changes make a huge impact. Essentially you’re allowing yourself to ‘work through more stuff’ at a higher rate and with more intensity.
Some of you might not know where to start with that. You might be too impatient. That’s understandable. And while there’s no real shortcut for longterm success, I’ll give you 3 ways to avoid the scenic route.
I’ll tell you how.
Read More
Why Consciousness Matters: Part I
Did you know that we’re all trying to achieve a higher state of consciousness? It’s part of human evolution. It’s also why on some level everyone feels that slight, internal angst. When we either feel internally stagnant or our internal state is out of alignment with our environment, something feels off. It’s all a matter of consciousness.
You can become more conscious in different realms: Physical / Sexual / Social / Relational / Spiritual / Emotional / Mental.
Read More
Unnecessary Tension of the Soul
You might find you exist in this universal tension: ‘what we want’ and ‘what we’re willing to do to get there.’
I want to be in good shape…so we think, how can I get in better shape?
I want more money…how can I get more money?
I want to relax…how can I find more relaxation?
I want a peaceful relationship…how can I find more peace in this relationship?
Read More
The Power of Your Identity
Did you know the question of “Who am I?” governs our entire existence?
When you are unsure about the answer to this question, or are not in the process of finding your answer to this question, you will experience anxiety.
When you have confidence in your identity, or self-concept, your values are sure. You know exactly what to think and feel when the world is pulling you in all sorts of directions. In fact, when you know who you are, you will actually experience confidence in adverse situations.
Read More
Take the Confusion Out of Relationships
We are living in an age of poor values, capricious words, and large egos. People aren’t as sure as to what they stand for, therefore, there’s no wonder there’s an incongruence between words and actions. With a lack of character, you know how people are defining themselves?
INTENTIONS.
Most of the time, these intentions are good as well. However, how many times have you become harmed by someone’s “good” intentions?
So what do you do? In a crazy age, how do you take the confusion out of relationships? It’s actually pretty simple: just look at actions.
Read More
How to Grow Your Emotional Bank Account
Meeting any meaningful goal is slow. The formula is always making continual, steady deposits in the right direction. The same goes if you’re in a stuck state and desire an emotional shift.
For clients in a stuck state, I work with going to the basics of what a healthy emotional deposit looks like. Often, we are not aware of when we’re making a deposit or a withdrawal. It’s not supposed to be complicated: are you doing something that is good or bad for yourself in the long-term?
Read More
Social Media and Relationships
In this blog, I’m going to give you some perspective on how social media is subtly changing us individually and relationally, as well as a few healthy steps we can take in these changing times.
First, for some perspective.
Did you know that with each notification ping, flash, and buzz, the feel-good chemical of dopamine is released in your brain? Dopamine is a reward signaling that we’ve accomplished something. It helps us relax. It’s why social media is addictive; we are not accomplishing anything and receiving the good effects of it. This isn’t by accident—each part of social media has been programmed to make you stick around.
Read More
Energy Matters Podcast - Schema Therapy
I'm featured on EnergyMatters Podcast, chatting all things consciousness and Schema Therapy (including personality traits, emotional wounds, and the lenses we wear). Take a listen—it was fun!
Read More
Dating: Values vs. Preferences
Dating has gotten complex to say the least. And while there’s never a simple solution to complex issues, I’ll propose a starting place: I’d like to clarify Values vs. Preferences. Especially in Western society, it’s culturally validated to treat dates, relationships, and marriages according to desired preferences as opposed to inherent values.
Value (n): the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
Preference (n): a greater liking for one alternative over another or others.
Read More
You Have More Options Than You Think
Have you heard of, ‘black-and-white,’ ‘all-or-nothing,’ or ‘always-or-never,’ type thinking?
Of course you have.
Did you know that the more pressure you feel, the more it seems like your options decrease? And when you have those black-and-white options, you’re stressed. Neither will sound appetizing. Actually, they’ll make you want to throw up. They might look something like this:
Read More
The Negativity Schema
Isn’t it hard to find truly positive people these days? And I’m not talking about the polyanna-ish type of person who could have a dog bite their ear off and respond with a grin, “Good thing I have two of them.” (That type of person likely has a hidden negativity schema, of which I’ll get to later).
Negativity is a tough schema to shake. It’s contagious. And likely, we don’t know the extent of our negativity. If you constantly defend yourself with, “Hey, I’m just a realist,” you might have a negativity schema.
Hey, don’t get mad at me; I’m just being realistic.
Read More
Want More Passion?
People speak about ‘finding their passion’ as if they’re waiting for a missing sock to turn up.
It’s passive.
As soon the word, “finding,” is placed in front of the word “passion,” we’ve already forgotten what passion is. Forgotten, as in you once knew. As a kid, you never needed to “find” your passion. You were never devoid of passion. You just needed to move.
Read More
Want to Reduce Your Anxiety? Part II: Separate Your Thoughts & Feelings
So you know the classic therapist question? Personally, it is one that I loathe. You know the question, right?
“And how did that make you feel?”
Despite my disdain, there’s a reason why as a therapist, the “And how did that make you feel?” is still the #1 arrow in my questioning-bow.
Read More
