I had the goal of buying my first car.

As often as possible, I’d set money aside. I got side jobs. I chose to make lunches. Eventually, I met my goal. It took a few years, but I had enough money to purchase a used ‘97 Honda Prelude.

Have you ever saved your money for something?

If so, you know the feeling. You become acutely aware of where you’re spending your money and you make choices. And it’s not like they’re perfect choices. There will be times you either don’t save as much as you can, or need to make a withdrawal. But each penny you save is purposed.

Meeting any meaningful goal is slow. The formula is always making continual, steady deposits in the right direction. The same goes if you’re in a stuck state and desire an emotional shift.

For clients in a stuck state, I work with going to the basics of what a healthy emotional deposit looks like. Often, we are not aware of when we’re making a deposit or a withdrawal. It’s not supposed to be complicated: are you doing something that is good or bad for yourself in the long-term?

Something that has complicated things is we have been socially conditioned into this mantra of “self-care,” which often looks like downing a tub of Cookies N’ Crème and a bottle of wine, while watching a marathon of Game of Thrones.

That’s not self-care. That’s self-destruction. Long-term, that combo is actually withdrawing from your emotional bank account. Why?

While it might feel good in the moment, how are you going to feel an hour later? Or the next day? When we think of depositing or withdrawing from your emotional bank account, once again, let’s look at long-term effects.

Now, is this saying not to “have fun?!” No! Of course not. That’s like saying that on your path to buying a new car you’re not allowed to go out with friends to dinner. But there’s a difference of going out with your friends to dinner versus ordering the most expensive meal, dessert, and a round of drinks for the table. You get it?

Going back to your emotional bank account, wise emotional decisions will create compounding interest. On the contrary, just like not paying off a credit card on time, unwise emotional decisions can quickly rack up emotional debt that can take a while to pay off.

Here’s a simple example. Let’s say that you’ve wanted to plan a vacation to go back home to see your family. You feel anxiety about flights ($), who will take care of your dog, and most of all, your micro-managing boss’ reaction.

So what do you do? You distract yourself. You put it off. And now what has happened?

Price for flights have risen.

Your friends are no longer available to take care of your dog.

A coworker quit and your micro-managing boss is freaking out over deadlines.

Your problems have now compounded. Can you see how long-term, your delay is more looking like an emotional withdrawal on your soul’s emotional bank account?

So take a moment and think, “When it comes to the balance on your emotional bank account, what is your balance at?” No judgment here. Also begin asking yourself, “Which small actions are adding and taking away? Is there compound interest here that is accruing or not accruing?”

So it might look something like this: how many times a day do you check social media? Honestly, ask yourself, “Do I feel better or worse after this?” If you feel worse and you’re checking SM 20 times a day, how much is this withdrawing from your soul? Then think about it the other way. If each time you chose to not go on social media, think, “How much is this simple inaction depositing into my emotional bank account?” They may be really small deposits, but think about the compounding interest effect.

You can apply this with everything. Once again, think more with the long-term effects.

When you choose to do a light workout when you’d normally sit at home. Perhaps that day you feel exhausted, but in a day or two, do you find yourself gaining more energy?
When you choose to opt for the yogurt instead of the ice cream, how do you feel later? You still got the sugar fix, but perhaps the next day your body isn’t demanding that you have ice cream again.
When you choose to take 10 minutes to pray (or meditate) instead of watching TV before bed. Do you find yourself getting 10% better quality sleep? Maybe you feel a little more refreshed the next day and that carries into the rest of the week.
When you choose to leave 5 minutes early for work instead of rushing, do you find yourself in a better mood to start the work day? Do you find yourself not minding as much if traffic is heavy? Perhaps even a little grateful?

When you are making deposits in your emotional bank account, it’s like you’re giving yourself small, “good job,” pats on the back throughout the day. When you pay a bill, that’s a deposit. When you don’t delay on sending that email, that’s a deposit. When you make your bed or do your dishes, that’s a deposit. Even though these are all mundane things you’d do anyway, you can turn even the mundane into nourishment for your soul.

There are hundreds of ways we are constantly depositing and withdrawing from our emotional bank account. You can also manufacture infinite deposits. Here are 25 off the top of my head:

1. Prepping a few meals for lunch this week.

2. Reach out to a friend you haven’t seen in a while with a text.

3. Asking a stranger if you can pet their dog.

4. Donate a small bag of clothing.

5. Sit in the grass for 10 minutes with the phone in the car.

6. Organize your car’s center console/glove compartment.

7. Try a cold shower.

8. Buy a balloon and give it to the next kid you see.

9. Join that Adults sports league.

10. Go into that used bookstore.

11. Revamp your resume (even if you’re not looking for work).

12. Find a nice hot tub (maybe this means hitting up your friend who lives in a luxury apartment).

13. Schedule vacation time with your boss before you know where you’re going.

14. Cook a new dish.

15. Look up 3 favorite artists and see if they’re coming into town.

16. Try a new machine/exercise at the gym.

17. Buy a house plant

18. Deactivate Instagram for a day.

19. Deactivate Facebook for a week.

20. Saying “No” to a particular group’s hangout.

21. Take a long walk in your favorite neighborhood.

22. Clean out your fridge and pantry; donate unused canned goods.

23. Dabble in something creative: an instrument, art, or writing.

24. Drive an hour or two out of town and get lost a little bit.

25. Take an hour out of your day to go to the Humane Society and hang with animals (okay, from personal experience, this one is dangerous. You might end up with an unsuspecting animal).

So try it.

Every day you can make small deposits into your soul’s emotional bank account. And just like setting up the most profitable retirement account, TIME is your most important asset. Start now.

Lastly, here’s a pro-tip. While making deposits, use positive self-talk. This will be compounding interest. So when do something good for yourself, like clearing your closet to donate some clothing literally say to yourself, “I really like that decision today.” Or if you take care of your laundry a few days before instead of when you’re down to your last pair of underwear, tell yourself, “I love that I made that choice. I’m proud of myself for taking care of something before I had to.” This might seem lame, but it’s necessary. In this process, you’re rewiring your emotional circuitry to make healthier decisions. (Because if you’re thinking ‘this sucks,’ to taking care of your laundry early, you’re constantly going to be battling yourself and quit).

I encourage you to start now. TODAY. Really. Your soul will thank you.

How to Grow Your Emotional Bank Account