Dan’s Blog

In childhood, we learn what emotions are safe and unsafe to experience. We develop strategies and personalities to protect ourselves from reexperiencing the unsafe emotions. Unhealed, these emotions are active wounds, open and exposed to more pain.

You can’t skip the healing process; the more a person runs from their emotions, the more those emotions run their life. Most people are rarely aware of the emotions they avoid, yet they may be aware they continually experience the same undesirable situations.

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I’m curious, is it important for you to live with integrity to yourself?

And if so, what does it mean to live a life—no, rather, moment-to-moment—with integrity to yourself?

I’m curious, who would you be if that obstacle wasn’t in the way? who would you be if you were nurtured in the way you needed to be?

And if so, who’s to say you can’t be that version of yourself, now?

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I remember when I first consciously felt the result of exchanging money for time. My apartment was in need of a deep clean. For weeks I’d tell myself I’d clean, but due to heavy work hours, I put it off. At the time, my moral compass wouldn’t allow me to hire someone to clean my filth. Eventually though, I caved.

When I came back to my apartment after the cleaning, it was lemon-smelling and bright white. Waves of new energy—gratitude, joy, and expansion—enter my soul. Initially, I felt bad for the cleaner, but he was excited and gracious for four hours of work. The energy exchange felt amazing.

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Our culture moves so quickly. We jump from task to task, idea to idea. We’ve got more to do with less time. The effort to become an individual—to create personal boundaries, meaning, and worth (which is no easy task!)—can come at the expense of a relationship. Often, our energy exchange with one another becomes transactional, naturally interacting with others by what we can get out of them to meet our own purpose.

As people are waking up more to how they feel, they also notice that in this newer energy exchange, and often true, authentic connection feels lacking; genuine connection is efficiency’s casualty. And when a person feels emotionally disconnected with another (i.e. a spouse or a parent to a child, etc.), they often use a “redirect” to communicate:

“You’re not hearing what I’m saying”

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When you’re in a good flow, life is less about making “right” decisions and more being in tune with yourself, others, and your surroundings. You’re making choices and creating life from spaces that didn’t seem available prior. Being a fuller, more alive version of yourself is knowing you have the capacity within to create change.

How do you effectively create change?

As you know more about yourself, meaning you’re aware of the unconscious scripts you’re operating from, and then, taking the courage to step out of that box, you now create newness. Well then, what are your scripts and how can you change them?

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Culturally, anger, more so than any other emotion—such as sadness, disappointment, grumpiness, frustration, regret, guilt, hurt, etc.—is shunned. I often hear clients lament, “Ugh, I shouldn’t have gotten angry though.” When someone doesn’t feel heard, seen, or accepted, resulting in emotions of hurt or shame, which are primary emotions, a protective mechanism comes up. That protection is a secondary emotion, likely anger.

For most people, it’s emotionally safer to have others attack the protective shield of anger, rather than know the more vulnerable feelings of hurt or shame. How can you know anger is mounting?

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If you’ve ever competed in anything, you know the work you’ve invested in shows up. You can’t fake it because in stressful situations, your mind is less conscious. Your body will unconsciously carry out what is most real to it. It doesn’t matter whether you’re taking a licensure test or you’re in the NBA Finals; when it’s foreign territory what your soul is most comfortable with, you’ll execute.

The same is true relationally. The work you put in matters. Relationships are filled with stress. Even if you know what you should be saying and doing, whatever is most comfortable for you, you’ll execute.

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All true personal development includes the same steps. The “Hero’s Journey,” popularized by Joseph Campbell, who was influenced by Carl Jung’s analytical psychology), includes the steps needed to create a breakthrough.

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You're closer than you think.

The difference between flatline and success is closer than you think. A successful business, relationship, sale, interview, promotion, or win may be a subtle shift away. Often when reaching the edge of success, we intuitively and unconsciously retreat to the known.

Why do we pull back when we're so close?

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The word anxiety is thrown around a lot. And while it’s true, anxiety prevents you from showing up in the world in the way you’d like, I’d like you to rethink anxiety. This way you’ll release it’s grip over you. You don’t have anxiety in the way you think.

People would say they have anxiety to ask their boss for a raise; to break up with their significant other; to set a boundary with a family member; to disclose their feelings to a crush; to start their passion project. It’s not true.

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Fourteen months ago, I overtrained, sustaining a knee injury that led to a worse, back injury.

I tried everything to heal my back: doctors, yoga, acupuncture, body reconstruction (fascia work), physical therapy, chiropractic, reiki, etc. After thousands of out-of-pocket over three months, nothing worked. My muscles, tendons, and ribs still had constant pain. I couldn’t even walk or sit without my back flaring. For the next four months, I was confined to bed rest and Advil—easily the worst injury of my life.

Slowly, in the beginning of the 2022 new year, my PT started me on tortoise-paced rehab. But any time I’d push myself, my knee and back would chide, “Stop it. Slow down. Don’t push it!” So what’d I do? I listened to my body. I played it safe. Why? I never wanted to re-experience an injury.

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