You're Asking Yourself the Wrong Question

Stuck?

You're Asking Yourself the Wrong Question.

…Ask This Instead

Did you know your brain is addicted to asking itself one question? The wrong question?

Like a dog barking at a firetruck, your brain can’t help itself. It’s been conditioned. You see—your brain is addicted to feeling comfortable. It’s designed that way. It’s designed to want to exert minimal strain (effort) to achieve maximum dopamine rushes (rewards).  

So what does your brain ask itself? What comfortable question do you need to deprogram?

“Is it easy?”

Our brain is constantly asking a variation of the “easy button” question.

What’s easier? Is it easy? How easy is it?

Have you ever been in a situation in which someone has given you advice and your auto-tune brain kicks in with these questions? Maybe they’re encouraging you with starting a new business or platform. Or trying a new exercise or diet. Or communication skills with loved ones. And because it’s new, you might think in your head, “I’m glad you’ve had success. But this doesn’t sound easy.” Your brain is auto-responding to the wrong question.

The thing is we do this all day. Every day. Often, it starts in the morning.

You know the reason the snooze button is hit until it can’t be hit anymore? Your brain is asking, “What’s easier? Getting up now or later? Hitting the snooze or starting the day?” And when you’re at the precipice of running late, you know what your brain says? “Is it easier to get up or get written up?”

If you were paying attention, you may have noticed a slightly different narrative with the last question. That question was based on fear. You see, every so often we oscillate between a motivation of 90% EASE and 10% FEAR. Both of these motivations are based on survival. Both are based on a lower brain function. And if you want to go to a higher brain function, what question do you need to ask yourself? This question will help reprogram the wiring in your brain.

Well, before I reveal that question, I want to throw out a disclaimer: the higher brain Q does not solve your problems. Not at all. Because of the “EASY” question, people also believe there’s a magic pill to ridding themselves of problems. You can’t do that. However, when you ask yourself better questions, you know what happens?

YOU GET BETTER PROBLEMS.

When it comes to therapy, our goal isn’t necessarily to solve your problems: it’s that you trade your set of problems for a better set of problems. That way when you look back on your original problems, you’ll feel like a different person. You’ll wonder how you had those problems in the first place. Once again, the goal of life is that you have better and better problems.

| The problem is not that you get in fights with your spouse.

The problem shifts to…when you’re in a fight with your spouse, how can you both receive the other and state your truth?

| The problem is not that you don’t make enough money.

The problem shifts to…when you’re making more money, how do you balance your family, education, career, and hobbies?

| The problem is not that you don’t have the addiction.

The problem shifts to…when you notice your cravings, how can you healthily integrate a support system and maintain your responsibilities?

Do you see how you’re getting better problems here? Sure, these problems still cause anxiety. But it’s better anxiety. You’re shifting from anxiety of emotional and physical survival to anxiety of expression of your truest self and reality. In other words, your transcending levels of consciousness.

So going back, what is the question that will begin to jumpstart you into better problems?

“WHAT’S HEALTHIER?”

Yes, trading in “What’s easier for me?” for “What’s healthier for me?” will shift the paradigm of your world. And though on the surface, the answer to this question may seem obvious, when you begin to peel a few layers back, “What’s healthier for me?” may not always be as straight-forward as you think.

Here’s an example.

Let’s say you have codependent tendencies. Let’s say you don’t even know you had codependent tendencies. This means you weren’t aware you were deriving your worth based on the approval of others. This means you act—and often think and feel—in accordance to what you believe others will desire. Therefore, what if you constantly catered to the wishes of your friend group and family? What if you were never asked about what you wanted or needed? What if they took out their problems on you? What if that felt normal and what felt normal felt right?

If your brain is programmed towards that “What is EASIER?” question, you WILL continually be the doormat to others’ wishes. Why? Complying is more comfortable than speaking up. This codependent narrative will follow you into the workplace, into relationships, and conversations with strangers. Heck, even into your driving patterns. You will fulfill a lifetime of apologizing and adapting yourself because it’s what you’re used to. It’s what you’re comfortable with. Because what’s the alternative? You’ll have to face that panic of FEAR. Perhaps they call you selfish or mean. So you acquiesce.

But what if you asked that other question?

What if you asked, “What is healthier?” You might not auto-apologize. You might not feel the need to give an excessive-explanation of each of your thoughts. What’s healthiest might be you standing your ground. Or not acquiescing. Or stating what you want to do at the expense of not being seen or heard.

Now, are your problems going to disappear? Of course not. You’ll just have a different set of problems. But hopefully, a healthier set of problems. It’ll be messy at first, as any new behavior is. It won’t come out as perfect.

When we are in lower brain functioning—the operating according to what is EASY with a splash of FEAR—we are merely operating at level of survival. Everything can feel like imprisonment. Life can then feel like a drawn-out, stuck-cycle’d drag.

It’s playing life on defense. That means that it’s either going through the motions or being electrocuted into intense action.

Anyway, start asking yourself the question, “What’s healthier?” It’s a continual process to de-and-reprogram your brain towards a better question set.

Let me know what happens.