The Problem with Overcoming Adversity
In childhood, have you successfully overcome adversity? Meaning, when it came to sink or swim, you learned to swim? Or more often, out of a survival imperative, you didn’t even think about it…you just acted.
At some point in life, we all have faced circumstances we weren’t yet emotionally and physically developed for. We experienced abandonment. We experienced grief. We experienced trauma. But for many of us, without the help of a parent, we also figured out how to deal with it. Naturally, these moments we’ve built the pre-pubescent emotional muscles to overcome our adversity feels like our superpower.
Read More
Reverse Engineer Your Life
When working with schemas, which are the unhealthy + unconscious lenses we wear on the world, we reverse engineer reality.
What does that mean?
I work with my clients on first assessing what their worldview is—which, once again is unconscious—then seeing how the belief was developed. You know the problem though? We actually have a hard time understanding what our worldview is. But once identified and analyzed, we see what’s not working, what we’ve previously tried and are currently trying to fix things, and then bring in reality.
Read More
You're Asking Yourself the Wrong Question
Did you know your brain is addicted to asking itself one question? The wrong question?
Like a dog barking at a firetruck, your brain can’t help itself. It’s been conditioned. You see—your brain is addicted to feeling comfortable. It’s designed that way. It’s designed to want to exert minimal strain (effort) to achieve maximum dopamine rushes (rewards).
So what does your brain ask itself? What comfortable question do you need to deprogram?
Read More
Energy Matters Podcast - Schema Therapy
I'm featured on EnergyMatters Podcast, chatting all things consciousness and Schema Therapy (including personality traits, emotional wounds, and the lenses we wear). Take a listen—it was fun!
Read More
Dating: Values vs. Preferences
Dating has gotten complex to say the least. And while there’s never a simple solution to complex issues, I’ll propose a starting place: I’d like to clarify Values vs. Preferences. Especially in Western society, it’s culturally validated to treat dates, relationships, and marriages according to desired preferences as opposed to inherent values.
Value (n): the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
Preference (n): a greater liking for one alternative over another or others.
Read More
You Have More Options Than You Think
Have you heard of, ‘black-and-white,’ ‘all-or-nothing,’ or ‘always-or-never,’ type thinking?
Of course you have.
Did you know that the more pressure you feel, the more it seems like your options decrease? And when you have those black-and-white options, you’re stressed. Neither will sound appetizing. Actually, they’ll make you want to throw up. They might look something like this:
Read More
The Negativity Schema
Isn’t it hard to find truly positive people these days? And I’m not talking about the polyanna-ish type of person who could have a dog bite their ear off and respond with a grin, “Good thing I have two of them.” (That type of person likely has a hidden negativity schema, of which I’ll get to later).
Negativity is a tough schema to shake. It’s contagious. And likely, we don’t know the extent of our negativity. If you constantly defend yourself with, “Hey, I’m just a realist,” you might have a negativity schema.
Hey, don’t get mad at me; I’m just being realistic.
Read More
