The Negativity Schema
Isn’t it hard to find truly positive people these days? And I’m not talking about the polyanna-ish type of person who could have a dog bite their ear off and respond with a grin, “Good thing I have two of them.” (That type of person likely has a hidden negativity schema, of which I’ll get to later).
Negativity is a tough schema to shake. It’s contagious. And likely, we don’t know the extent of our negativity. If you constantly defend yourself with, “Hey, I’m just a realist,” you might have a negativity schema.
Hey, don’t get mad at me; I’m just being realistic.
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Want More Passion?
People speak about ‘finding their passion’ as if they’re waiting for a missing sock to turn up.
It’s passive.
As soon the word, “finding,” is placed in front of the word “passion,” we’ve already forgotten what passion is. Forgotten, as in you once knew. As a kid, you never needed to “find” your passion. You were never devoid of passion. You just needed to move.
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Want to Reduce Your Anxiety? Part II: Separate Your Thoughts & Feelings
So you know the classic therapist question? Personally, it is one that I loathe. You know the question, right?
“And how did that make you feel?”
Despite my disdain, there’s a reason why as a therapist, the “And how did that make you feel?” is still the #1 arrow in my questioning-bow.
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Want to Reduce Your Anxiety? Part I: Try "I Statements"
Have you ever stood next to someone who has enough anxiety they look like a tea kettle before it starts screaming? Heck, you don’t even have to be next to them. You can feel a person’s anxiety across a room. And what happens when you feel their anxiety? Yes, now you get their anxiety.
Anxiety is like hot potato. It gets passed from one person to the next. It’s an unconscious, invisible force. But I also want to point out a misconception with anxiety: everyone has it. All anxiety means is ‘nervousness about the future.’
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How to Set Healthy Boundaries - Part II (Identity)
Boundaries and identity complement one another. Better knowing yourself allows you to set healthily boundaries; setting healthier boundaries allows you to know your true self.
· Decreased stress and insecurity
· Increased energy and confidence
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How to Set Healthy Boundaries – Part 1 (Awareness)
When asking a couple what they want to achieve in therapy, you know what the #1 answer is? Communication. It’s often said, “This person never communicates to me.” But here’s the thing. We’re always communicating. Always.
The text you don’t send; the eye contact you’ve chosen to avoid; the time you choose to not express your thoughts. That’s all a message that you’re communicating to someone else.
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A Shortcut to Your Unique Personality
If you’re like 99% of people who know their Myers-Briggs, you’ve 1) taken an online test, 2) scored your 4 letters, and 3) Googled your results. You clicked on the first link and thought, “Okay, parts of this make sense.” You spoke about it with your best friend and forgot about it until that drunken stranger asked for your type at a party. But you’re probably also using it incorrectly.
So for a moment, I want to take out my Men In Black, mind-erase device and clear your memory of all Myers-Briggs prior knowledge. I’m going to introduce some new personality terms. Don’t be alarmed. I’ll explain them all. They’re simple once you get the hang of them.
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3 Steps To Building Your Identity
In my previous blog, I said that it’s vital that you have a vision of your true identity. And while I’d never shoot down your lunar dreams, I also want to do a caution with identity. It’s completely human to set unrealistic goals for yourself. So as you begin to hone in on experiencing your authentic identity, I want to give you tips. You’ve got to keep things, 1) small, 2) consistent, and 3) sustainable.
These words are not sexy.
I get it.
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2 Misconceptions of Changing Yourself (and 1 Big Tip)
I was at the gym today. I was happy. There were half as many people there than in January. That told me 50% had thrown in their New Year’s goal towels.
Everyone wants to change for the better. But let me ask you…
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