3 Steps To Building Your Identity

3 Words To Build Your Identity

Small - Consistent - Sustainable

We see the visionaries like Elon Musk launching rockets and electric cars and The Rock pumping iron at 4am. We think, why not me? We want to follow their example. We want their life hack.  We think, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars,” and after 7 dream-state snoozes, we have trouble figuring which pants to put on. Reality strikes. We are not them.

 In my previous blog, I said that it’s vital that you have a vision of your true identity. And while I’d never shoot down your lunar dreams, I also want to do a caution with identity. It’s completely human to set unrealistic goals for yourself. So as you begin to hone in on experiencing your authentic identity, I want to give you tips. You’ve got to keep things, 1) small, 2) consistent, and 3) sustainable.

These words are not sexy.

I get it.

No none cares if, for the past 5 years, you’ve consistently eaten decently and exercised 3.5 days per week. People only applaud your efforts when you weighed 375, gave up on life, then in a time-elapsed 12 weeks, you’ve grown enough abs to appear on the cover of Men’s or Women’s Fitness. Even now, I have to continually remind myself that 1% growth, here-and-there, in whatever area, is not just okay, it’s healthy.

I often see people bite off more than they can chew. They when they can no longer chew, they spit the entire process out. So really think about your goal. For example, great, you no longer want to take on the identity of a depressed person. You want to identify yourself as a healthy individual who has taken on symptoms of depression. Awesome.

But from here, if your goal is—and this is more common than you think—“I don’t want to be depressed anymore.” You’ll fail before you start. Why? It’s binary. It’s pass/fail. The mentality of, “I’m failing until I succeed,” is kind of depressing. Further, each time you feel depressed, you’ll think you’ve failed.

However, what if you began to realistically break down your identity and your goal? So what if you started with the identity, “I am a healthy person.” Now, you can begin to start a proper line of questions: what do I think healthy people do? What do I think they think and feel? And from there, you began to break down goals. And by break down, I’m talking, mini-bite-sized goals.

I’m not talking about sweating your ass off on the treadmill. Once again, the thought of that is terrifying. A smaller step would be, “Can I get myself to the gym?” And even that might be too big a goal. It might even be, “Can I get myself to go outside my house when I’m not working…for 2 minutes?” Yes, 120 seconds of non-air conditioned air. That’s a reasonable goal. Or, it’s not about eating salads every single meal, because once again, that’s depressing. But instead, how about a small step of, “Can I go to the grocery store today to purchase 1 healthy item that I will eat during the week?” Yes, that’s a great goal!

You can think about it the other way as well.

Are there obvious roadblocks deterring you from your goal?

So you might eat 1 healthy meal that week, but if you’re dumping 7 packs of sugar in your coffee each morning, it’s counter-productive. Once again, this is not saying, “I need to remove sugar from my diet,” as so too people conclude and fail after a day. But instead, “Those 7 packs of sugar I dump in my morning’s coffee…today, can I get down to 6?”

That’s a small step. Great! What’s next? Can you make it consistent? Can you repeat this pattern over time until you get to 5? And 4? And next, can you make it sustainable? Lastly, can you make it permanent? This one sounds hard, but it actually makes things easier. It removes the guesswork and takes consistency to another level.

Each time you make a small change, you have to reason with yourself that it must be permanent. It’s a non-negotiable. So let’s say you decide that you’re going to get at least 6 hours of sleep on weekdays for the next months. You’ve got to stick with that. And if you think that’s too big a step, that’s okay. Dial it back. Make it a smaller, more reasonable step. How about you cannot go to bed past 2am for the next month?

Once again, the biggest pitfall is wanting to eliminate or add something out of good intentions, but it’s not sustainable. When you choose a small step that’s sustainable, it eliminates the guesswork. Initially it won’t feel freedom, but it’s incredibly helpful. When 1:50am hits, you’ve got to start winding down. Make sense?

The small steps we take pay big dividends. They compound. You probably won’t even realize it until later. Here’s how that works: when you reduce your morning sugar intake from 7 to 6 packets, your body will actually feel more inclined to walk a longer distance; the more time you spend walking, the more likely you are to want to incorporate that healthy food into your dinner because your body needs that energy; when your muscles are tired (not to be confused with you being sluggish), you’ll want to go to bed earlier, meaning you get higher quality sleep.

Here, you’re building a stable foundation.

So as you’re considering your identity, think small, consistent, and sustainable. 1% at a time, you’ll begin to embody your authentic identity.

As always, if you need help with developing a game plan—whether that’s for depression or anxiety, or dealing with relationships or life’s stressors—feel free to reach out.