What Really is Narcissistic, Borderline, Histrionic, and Sociopathic Disorder?

What Really is Narcissistic, Borderline, Histrionic, and Sociopathic Disorder?

In light of Amber Heard’s trial—and lawyers and psychologists throwing around terms like ‘narcissistic,’ ‘borderline,’ ‘histrionic,’ and ‘sociopathic,’ disorders, I thought it’d be pertinent to clarify what all this means. You may even hear some of these terms from others too. For starters, read my intro blog to personality disorders.

To give an overview, there are ten diagnosable personality disorders and narcissism, borderline, histrionic, and sociopathic (technically called antisocial personality disorder) fall into something called Cluster B personality disorders, or the dramatic group. In Cluster B personality disorders, these are larger than life. You’ll often see these disorders of TV shows because they provide excitement and DRAMA!

So Ross from Friends is actually depicted as Histrionic, Walter White from Breaking Bad has Narcissism, Dr. House from House has Antisocial, and Louis Litt from Suits has Borderline.

For context, while you can have traits of different personality disorders, you can only be diagnosed with one. Why is this? A personality disorder, unlike a mental illness (depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc.) is a lens for life. Each has a markedly different lens. So what’s the difference of the lens?

The narcissist’s lens is superiority; the histrionic’s lens is drama; the borderline’s lens is abandonment; the sociopath’s lens is exploitation.

A common question is whether or not you can be narcissistic or borderline in some situations and not others. Or turn it on or off? The short answer is no. Why? The lens someone wears is not like sunglasses; it’s like welded contacts. And here’s the thing that may be tough to wrap your mind around…because it’s a lens, the person who wears the lens is not aware that’s the lens. In fact, they think other people are the exact problem that they’re dealing with.

The narcissistic thinks other people are acting superior. The borderline thinks other people are abandoning them. The histrionic thinks other people are drama queens and kings. The sociopath thinks other people are looking to exploit them.

Why is this?

Likely, they endured the same abuse growing up or in teenage years. The lens becomes reality. For example, if a father left his family in her young teens, she is much more likely to develop borderline tendencies, constantly fearing abandonment. Because of this she may get in relationships where other people are unstable or if a relationship feels too stable, she may create instability. Likewise, it was no surprise during during the Depp/Heard trial that Heard incurred significant abuse growing up from her father. If you’re wondering which personality disorder she has, it’s actually tough to say because I’m not sure if her lens was abandonment, exploitation, drama, or superiority.

At this point many wonder how treatable are these disorders. First, since it’s a lens of life and not a mental illness, there’s no medicine for it. The tougher part though is that those incurring the personality disorders don’t actually believe there’s something wrong with them. With all the evidence stacked against them, they are still in denial of reality, as witnessed by the trial. When cornered, they begin blaming everyone else. Why? If they didn’t, they wouldn’t have the disorder. Generally the only way for someone to begin to break through their personality disorder is for close confidants to come together, like an intervention.

Here’s what I can say.

It is incredibly difficult and painful to witness a person going through this; not just for them, but for everyone around them who gets pulled into their cycle. Often people with strong personality disorders either go into seclusion or go from one city to the next, as they burn all their bridges. The ones who are still in their lives often have high codependency, and don’t know how to untangle themselves.

I’ll say it’s usually not the person who is suffering with one of these disorders to come into therapy, but often the people around them who seek help. There’s really no simple solution.