Intro to Personality Disorders
Intro to Personality Disorders
I want to do a disclaimer here: there’s a lot of powerful info in this blog. Assuming you’re not a doctor, there’s no need to play Sherlock “Amateur Clinician” Holmes, and attempt to diagnose others. Leave that to a professional.
Have you ever been around someone for long enough and flat out wondered, “Am I crazy?” If so, it is possible you may be around someone with a personality disorder. They’re more prevalent than you’d think.
According to Nami, about fifteen-percent of the population has a personality disorder. I’ll define a personality disorder as an “extremely rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning, and behaving.”
Let me tell you why personality disorders are so brutal. There’s no real cure. Yes, there’s no pill to decrease symptoms. Further, unlike a mental illness, someone with a personality disorder DOES NOT REALIZE they have the disorder! I’ll explain this in more detail.
So you don’t have to tell a person who is depressed they experience low-to-no motivation, right? Or for a person who has bipolar disorder, you don’t have to shed light on the fact they experience highs and lows. They know it, and they’ll have to pay the consequences for it, such as losing their job or going late night shopping sprees. Now, how about a personality disorder?
If you’ve ever told a person who is highly narcissistic that they come off, as say, “superior to others” or “lack in empathy,” you know what they’ll say? They’ll probably say, “No, others just need to step their game up” or “People just need to get over their issues.” In other words, they’ll throw the issue right back on another person. Why is this?
The symptoms of personality disorder has literally stepped in as the core self. It’s the lens for EVERYTHING. It can’t be shut off or reasoned with. A person who has “Paranoid PD” literally sees the world in terms of mistrust and a person who has “Histrionic PD” literally sees the world in terms of drama. If you tell try to reason with them, respectively, you’ll now become the problem; you’ll now become the source of mistrust and drama.
Long story short, a person who has symptoms of a personality disorder literally cannot recognize they have a problem. And you know what you’re going to feel when you’re around a person like that for long enough? You’re going to feel like you’re going crazy.
A disproportionate amount of people who seek out therapy have either been or are currently AFFECTED by those with personality disorders. When you’re around someone with a PD for a day, you can brush it off. But when you’re around someone with a PD for years, you’ll likely begin questioning your own reality.
I want to say, if this has been you, I feel for you. I really do. It’s not fair. At all. Because here’s another reality that you’ve likely already experienced: you cannot change a person who has a personality disorder. Why?
The flavor of personality disorder is a coping mechanism for life. For a person to view things different means they’ve essentially got to be reborn. It’s all that they know. They’ve built a life around this disorder. I want to say it’s completely possible to heal a PD over time, but this is an intense, lifelong process. It’s no quick fix.
For reference, here is a list of the ten personality disorders. They’re in “clusters” based on how they present. The most common type is “Cluster B,” or the dramatic type. Many of our favorite TV show characters could be diagnosed with Cluster B symptoms; they keep things entertaining!
CLUSTER A (The “Eccentric” Type): characterized by odd, eccentric behavior and ways of thinking.
Paranoid, Schizoid, and Schizotypal.
CLUSTER B (The “Dramatic” Type): characterized by dramatic, overly emotional, or unpredictable thinking or behavior.
Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic and Narcissistic.
CLUSTER C (The “Anxious” Type): characterized by anxious, fearful thinking or behavior.
Avoidant, Dependent, and Obsessive-Compulsive.
I’ll do some future blogs on the most common Personality Disorders, borderline and narcissistic, including their symptoms, how they’ve manifested, and how to work with it. But I’ll answer questions I frequently get when it comes to PDs.
Do I have a __________ PD?
Do a quick Google search on symptoms for that PD, but keep in mind one symptom DOES NOT constitute a diagnosis. Leave an actual diagnosis for a trained professional. For example, just because you are “sad” does not mean you have “major depressive disorder.” If you’re even asking this question though, you likely don’t have one, as that means you are open to questioning your lens.
I suspect my partner or parent has a PD. What can I do?
This is tough. Keep in mind, you cannot change a person who does not want to be change. Often, people with PDs are reluctant towards coming to therapy. The idea of change freaks them out. For the most part, you’re going to have to put up healthy boundaries replete with defined actionable items. For example, you can objectively note behaviors that have taken place and how it has detrimentally affected you; have actionable items that must be put in place to further a healthy relationship. An example of this might look like this: if your partner has avoided work due to symptoms of paranoia, note how this has detrimentally affected your relationship and well-being, and have actionable items in place (i.e. sending out resumes and getting interviews) to maintain the current status of relationship. Otherwise, a temporary separation may be a healthy alternative.
I’m looking into this for the first time…do I attract people with specific PDs?
It’s quite possible. Especially if one or both of your parents had a PD, you’re likely to have a high tolerance for craziness and poorer ability to put up boundaries. People with PDs want to be around others who have poor and unhealthy boundaries.
Can you work with my partner?
Likely not. While personality disorders is one of my specialities, I’d rather take on clients who are affected by those who have personality disorders.
If you’d like more info on Personality Disorders, feel free to email me. I put together material that goes more in depth with each.